Behind all the failures of life

But behind all the failures of life that I lead today, maybe this will be a valuable lesson for my daughters, that life is so bad, because we must always pretend, smiling despite the state of the heart is troubled, but I'm sure it will all end,,I got a valuable lesson from all this, I should be more careful to recognize the man, not enough to say I'm ready to fall in love and live with it, but I believe too many women out there whose fate is worse than I am today,Sometimes all a bad experience is not all a burden, but it can make us more mature in the act, actually makes us human, find what we are looking for this,
 I'm sure behind all of this I got a wisdom and a better way, maybe it was for the god who brought me need ready to leave this life as long as I live and go to new life, though I know it's not easy, to start life without new capital, it is very difficult, maybe another story if I was alone, but I was with two daughter I should be ready to bear all the risk, by starting a simple quasi-paced,
 I was wrong, for this too carried away with all the false beauty, which he gave a false life, a life that seemed to promise a good future, I found myself entangled in a difficult bond release me, I had to choose between a difficult choice,
 1) I stayed for decent life for my two daughters, with the risk, I must remain a mistress, bitch, body and soul by mortgaging all my love life as well, arguing for the future of my children, (shit I'm brave) is painful ,
 2) I went from him with his bare hands and took my two daughters, with all the failures, with all the false hope that I have given them, by starting a new life, there is still no clarity, everything is just a shadow of imagination is not necessarily better,
 with all the falsehood, that I began life, which he gave, given both my parents, really makes me feel lame to walk with a second daughter, I honestly can not expect someone who is now close to me, I can not put my head down this on his shoulder,all only imagination and I'm not convinced, meeting someone would make my life better than this right now. and i let alone walk or let it all walked away, and  I let go, with all this helplessness, I'm sure god save the good plan of all this, I'm sure god save someone who would be our savior, not now maybe later I'll find the best path to a better man than my ex-husband... ~~~ my hope

Saturday weekend

I started today, this morning with a feeling of confusion, the disappointment, sadness, despair, God knows how I proceed next life, today we are all calls made ​​official identity in Indonesia, while the status is uncertain, I feel confused, marital status never existed, has now become difficult for me, also determine the status for my two daughters,,while he, calmly said (not what what) and of course he would say that because he was quiet with his family there, while I, with the uncertain status of this will make me difficult to act, even for me to document the such as passports and all other assets on behalf of my,,indeed since 4 years ago we officially split up but there is absolutely no official documen which I hold to validate that I was divorced or still married, because when we first got married he deceived me, a fake marriage, and I did not set can not do much, and finally the Lord has given way to a new, could this be a new journey of my life,I swear to God, this morning I woke up feeling hurt, disappointed, why had I not been so attentive, why do I always want to give birth to a child, if it's present status is in question, all I have to bear alone, while he (my ex-husband) to sit quietly there with her ​​family, she thought everything could be bought with money,
 See this day all that changed this year, not all can be bought with money, what makes me disappointed, it was until now he still can not do anything, to help me with a status document ini.dengan all I had to make,
 Feeling disappointed, angry but I still can not do anything, I should keep quiet because my two daughters, because our stomachs are still financial need from him, I begged God for this time, I know I'm not a good person, but for the sake of my two daughters, give I was the best way, what should I do for their future,everything is just nonsense, the man who tried to close me, they are the creatures that I can not believe it, man man who could make me fall in love and finally threw me like rubbish, I swear I'll kill him softly softly, as he treats me while I was bored ,     shit I do not know what to do, should I let go, still while life must go on, I did not set can fall asleep with this situation, I can not continue to pretend that I was happy, I did not set can continue to lie to myself, on my children , to the people around me, hE ex-husband stopped me as I headed for the future that he could not give.but indirectly I was still entangled in the ties that make the money, but I'm going to do without him, without money we obviously can not live, because honestly until now I still do not find, someone who could replace him, in the sense of replacing all of their responsibilities , gave us a pretty good life, love honestly I have not felt what love is, I've killed off the feeling, love butaku without sufficient material is a waste of time, words of love I can get anywhere, man I could mendapatakan where only, but of a better life difficult to obtain,, so all of love it bullshit,,,Let's say I pledge life, soul, my love for money, for the sake of my child's life better, very sad indeed, but this is where I,
a life of shame, but for me as there is no other choice, for now, I have stuck here without any certainty, be stuck in the palm of my ex-husband or boyfriend, my life is like in prison, see the end he could not pay the government with money, just my prayer today, Lord give me strength, give me a way how I should act in all I do for my daughters, I can not leave them, the way one of them, I have to find someone who can really marry me officially, but who? ? for now I've not been able to find another way, unless I should be able to find but it's hard, I do not want to take the wrong path again living with the wrong man, or I find a new job, or I will be kicked from Indonesia, what about my children, OH god I can not go with the flow of this life again, all the way closed if for me,Crazy ,,,, yess this me REAL JASMINE if u want know who iam, I a real human ,victims of the greed of man, the family until I had to pawn all my life, love and money in prison,,,very Sad
who stupid fool because chil'd,bcs my family,
anyone willing to marry me,

10 Day in APRIL

This month to four months in 2012, not felt, and my life is now starting to walk, now I begin to feel the happiness in the midst of uncertainty,I ended up not caring what would happen next, I will go on as it slowly but surely, now I have a purpose even though the hope was still in the dream, but someone has to prove that he was able to bring me into the world another world I'd never have,,so yesterday I was angry, upset, but really the people around me said why should I waste my time on something that is not important,,
 want to hit someone back my life, but I do not care about now is more important is the focus of how I chase the target, 3 years my daughter most of the time he dropped out of college, then I will leave a life that was making me sick,,I lived with someone for yourself what makes me stay, stay in an environment that makes me bored, hypocritical human human environment,,,I was just a dream and target I wait 3 more years and I'm and it's not a long time, when it arrived it was all over, who during this life I live, the life that I was just a pawn for the sake of both my daughter's life,I just hope he can bring me more than what I can right now, I just hope he not internet guy, like what he's always talking about, I hope he is true man,but we'll see what happens,, the future we all can not guess, we can only plan, but all the gods that I was there yesterday . buy furniture,,, a bed for my daughter because of her birthday, I buy a set, plus wardrobe, and I have plans this anniversary we'll go watch a movie at the cinema,, good morning all

Met someone from the past

Ahh today I went out, as usual after 3 days I was out of town, once again had a pile of work waiting for me, forced me to go to meet clien, today might be a little busy until later tonight, but there is something that makes me smile today,I accidentally met an old friend, who is almost 10 years we have not met, he was different, so do I, I do not believe, he still recognized me with a look I'm a much changed, but he looked so handsome, neat dress of a professional.turns out he had become a doctor in singapore, mmmm after 10 years, we've met again, finally we talked over coffee, I felt ashamed because I still like the first, with a look that is simple, it turns out she does not care all that,,and I'm sure he already has a wife, well with the age of 40 years, success will pa more for a man to live alone, have a big house, earning enough, but he was still single, uhhh,,Well, finally we are told, and you also tell the fate of marriage, until I told my two daughters, he is of mixed blood, Indonesia Japan, so it was quite handsome at the age of 40 years, hehe sorry I'm a little stunned, because once when we were in high school, he not as handsome as now, was he really changed, what with the title of a doctor, who is a woman who would not when in deflowered by him, hahahaha I just admire him,that makes me smile until I was home, he said I was the same as before, hahaha damm I know he's lying, how can I be still the same as before, first time I met him at that time I was still 20 years old and now I'm almost 35,but not why today, in the midst of me at the store, I still managed to smile.from the discussions that we've discussed, he was the same, always reminds me, that so we have a good man, doing good to others, I know he's a religious..but that I knew he was not religious but he believes people are always doing good, they will receive all the good, albeit slowly, and with this I agree,180% he changes, enough to make me shocked,but i happy meet him today,,,,,and don't talk about my other or second life,,second world hehehe where i alive,there nothing,I even feel bored playing in the online world, maybe it's time I stopped, and more focused in the real world, the real world, this life that I'm looking for this, maybe I'll go into the world of online occasionally, not as I once spent time only there,Internet, computers, mending I use for something useful, more better,but I will still write what I experience here, I'm in the real world, a world that was waking me up from all the dreams I'll find a better life than the internet,