I got my courage for someone I never met

Ah, finally has been so long I play on the internet, I met someone who could give me smiling in my face, bring me to the world that I never feel happy, although that's life squad the internet, but I felt it was more beautiful than my real life, I can laugh happily , smiling, feeling ashamed whether I fall in love, ahh is not possible because of the feelings stored in my heart, I just hate being called a man, but what's really weird with my feeling is, why do I feel peaceful when I speak and just see it in the camera, I feel he's real, I could feel the happiness that I have not felt what love beauty, but still I could not trust my heart again closed, and the embedded just revenge, how all men can feel my pain, but it turns out he man I met online that he was able to soften my feelings, I get all my courage to fight my husband that his behavior increasingly crazy,I was hiding who I was, I did not want him to leave me if he knows who I am, but at that point I had not seen my husband again, since that time we fight he did not see me anymore, but his wife is crazy it does not stop terrorizing me, by threatening she would kidnap my child and more , if I did not let go of my husband, Lord I ask where the justice for me, I'm just an innocent girl who have dream just have a husband and live simply, it turns out I have to live in a marriage full of lies , with a gangster, and I have to give my husband to another woman, and I'm still treated unfairly with them always threatening to take my child, 2 months already I knew the man who fills my day today, giving me encouragement, without his knowing it I learned from all that she told and from all the blogs that he wrote about he's life, my courage arises for an immediate end to all the shit that I lived for many years, all the falseness of smiles, repeatedly whether I think what he's someone that is right for me just tell about my life, but many times also I think, I do not want to know who I am with him and then he stopped talking to me,to the top where I could not resist all, pain, hatred, I ventured to write down everything that happened to me, ehh that time I had returned to work at the firm friend of my husband, but she seized it, the wife of my husband does not like me working place his friend, ahhh slut, I said I would not die with the loss of job,
    Finally, I write down everything that has been a burden, and I already know all the risks, I could lose him, which has been a friend when I'm sad, but let the world know who she named JASMINE,,, by writing a blog in I feel relieved , freely I tell all my complaints, no matter who I read, and perhaps of them think I'm stupid woman who for the sake of the family I'm willing to pawn my happiness for the sake of my family life and the feasibility of two daughters~~not fhinish yet~~~ i will keep writing tomorrow because now i have more time at home,,and well you can reading the end this story in my down blog,,,and u will know who a guy, BRING ME IN ANOTHER WORLD AND HE CHANGE MY MIND CHANGE HOW I NEED LIFE WHERE I CAN STAND IN MY OWN FEET WITHOUT WORRY,~~~

Suffering without end :(, part 3

Not enough he robbed my life, my liberty as a human, he treats me like, a prostitute who must be ready to serve him when he wants to fuck me, oh god,, 8 years have I spent this helpless life for the sake of my two daughters, I should close my eyes and my heart to just jealous when i saw happiness with his wife and son are there, how much it hurt, where again I had to hide on who else I have to tell because no one will understand, my suffering, which they think I'm happy, I'm perfect enough to hide a secret this, even my parents where they want to care about what I experienced that they think I gave them enugh money and that make them happy,Finally I know who who he is for this I think is a husband, he was a gangster in korea also in china, and now he is in power in Jakarta, oh god,, I'm stuck, but who should I blame, was behind the company and life of luxury. he has business ilegal who he has sold luxury cars,!.and more severe he could not and would never leave me, and would kill me if he knows I have a lover ~ ~ ~
   Long story short my life like hell, with all the pressure that still I get from my parents I had to save his own suffering and pretend to deceive others also myself that I'm happy,Ahhh, I'm Jasmine, a woman who now has become a mother of two daughters, I'm now 32 years old, who always tried to give a smile and I do hope everyone who can make others happy behind the suffering, it is enough to give me a fake smile, it feels I just hurt my own feelings, It was time I should wake up and struggle to defend what my rights as a human being, for 9 years I kept my own hatred of the man, I finally met a man who accidentally meet in a site online we chatt room, ahhhh I just fill my free time to play the Internet, there is little feeling entertained with my loneliness, I can joke, talk with friends from various countries, perfectly well who I was before I hide my friends, four years did not feel I was wallowing in my life virtual world, without the impression which means only a game when I needed a friend, because I do not have a friend of total in my real life who alwasy i get control from my husband and his bodyguar,they keep eyes on me where i go and with who i talking with,I just feel the freedom even in cyberspace, he knows that I mengahiskan playing time with the internet, and shittt he came over and slammed my laptop, what a bad asshole, he hit my face but I was away and I took a knife and I show once again you hurt him who will die you or me, like a demon, perhaps because it was too long I keep all this hatred like a time bomb ready to explode at any time, have lost all my fear, which I think how much I hated there before me a man who has destroyed my life and now he is harass me what is the place to spend a little happiness, my new world, I stab the knife into her body, but he had his hand away and just about shit he finally went to the hospital without a fight I,and i get new laptop,, ahhh i back,,,

Suffering without end :(, part 2

And it is not the end of all suffering that I hide from my family as well as all my friends they think I'm a lucky woman, had a successful husband, and they think my home life was happy, I'm perfectly hide my disappointment, grief for 4 years I live with my husband that I do not understand what kind of marriage I lived, my health began to improve and I'm 100 percent cured, but I will not get pregnant again, I tried to run it day to two days with my daughter, and as usual my husband to come and go, but one day, he came home with a crate face is unbelievably tired and stressed, I try to ask there what.happent, finally he explained that his company suffered huge losses and threatened with bankruptcy, but behind her face in despair I saw something that weird, guess it is not dashed, he finally asked me to meet with his family in Jakarta not far from our house, just need a 20 minute drive, and what would we really talking to my surprise, I spoke with my uncle and all my husband's family members that exist in Indonesia, while his parents are in Korea,And finally all the secrets that have been revealed already exist in my marriage, my husband's uncle explained that my husband had been married and they have 2 children, but then they separated, but in the present circumstances when their companies went bankrupt my husband's large capital needs and the way one only he should be re-marry his ex-wife, which is where his ex-wife of a rich woman, I was so surprised with all that, there I was alone I was just being forced to sign a letter that I agree that he married again, my world was dark at the time, had no tears I weep for the fate, is imagined in my mind happiness is just my two daughters, I finally signed the letter without me reading it, I came home with the feeling that devastated but I stand next to my two daughters do not cry, I gave my husband fell into the arms of another woman for the sake of material , Oh god, what is actually happening, after marriage my husband with his ex-wife the less he came home to see us, what more for a family road show, he came just a few hours just to vent his passion to me, and after that he left, then I just as a place of impingement him when he needed a woman to satisfy, because I'm sure he did not get from his wife who was much older than me, I felt not a wife anymore, I'm her only as a prostitute when she needed him to come and continue to go regardless of my feelings,my life is ruined, but still you keep this secret, I became my own husband's mistress, ohh this is very embarrassing, painful, at last I dared to speak Apparently my husband that I was already pretty tired of this charade of marriage, I asked him to leave me, and let I stood with my two daughters, for their future life I'm willing to suffer, I finally managed to get out of that house, without letting my husband know but apparently he managed to find me, and what happened, he was getting mad, he makes my life like in prison , in hell, where I'm going always there is stalking me, one day I finally met a man who loves me with my two daughters also promised to eventually take me out of Indonesia, but what happened, so my husband knows, I lost him for forever, it turns out my husband had meet and they could be making an agreement that he should not be in touch with me, he was a citizen, the United Kingdom, finally my life back to my evil husband, helplessly, my life is full of fear, hatred, revenge. embedded in my mind, one day I will kill my husband,!!!

Suffering without end :(

I dreamed of marriage, was not what I feel, at the age of 3 years of my marriage, I often feel pain in my abdomen that can sometimes make me pass out, then my husband's behavior has not changed he just comes and goes, when I asked him to bring me months honey out of the country he just told me to go with the company of my friends who would all cost he paid, I went to singapore, continue tour to Africa, what kind of honey buloan, haaa, well I think my husband is too busy with his business, we quite enjoyed the tour , although I can not dispel my loneliness, I returned to Jakarta after 2 weeks of the tour, but the pain in my stomach feels increasingly disturbing and finally felt I went to a gynecologist, and the result was very surprising for me, I have cancer of the uterus that is not easy for me to have a child, oh god what trials you give, after I went through a marriage that I do not understand, my family also continues to undermine the life, now I have a disease that is difficult for me to have a child.I could tell my husband about the disease, and it turns out I saw the disappointment, but the doctor said we can still do IVF, and we finally agreed to do that, in the second month I finally managed to conceive of the seed of my husband, I keep, care my baby well , but when it's also my husband's increasingly rare to come home I'm just in the company of two maids who deliberately in order as my husband, and when I needed my husband he never existed, and I never knew he was every time I call he always said I busy you must learn to take care of yourself, even though the hurt I remain silent and helpless, in the 9th month of pregnancy who lived a few days I gave birth, I had news of my husband's friend that my husband's accident and now he is in china, ahhh of course I can not go to see him, in a state of pregnancy is about to give birth, on 12 May 2006 I finally gave birth to a daughter who is very pretty,but the birth of my daughter did not make my husband happy after he returned from China, after he recovered from an accident that happened there, when I want to arrange a letter on the birth of my baby, of course I need a marriage license and my husband's signature, but I do not have all that, and my husband said let me say that will take care of it, and after a few days I finally received a legal letter my daughter, but that makes me wonder why no one there was just reading my husband's name, my daughter is a child out of wedlock, and then I asked my husband and he give me an explanation that our daughter was born of the marriage two countries and different religions, so he can not sign as a father, ahhh I just shut up and I try to forget all that is important I can give birth to a daughter,,,well i forget,, i have adopt a daughter she was 12 year that time,,she like my own daughter,and after i born my daughter, i need get surgery for take my cancer, but i will never have children in future,i was so upset, when i get that new from doctor, but i need do it before i dead,i get surgery in singapore without my husband,,, i just want life for my daughter,,so i do it,

continuation~~~

turns out that a mobile phone prize, and a ring, hmmm I was thinking what all that meant, I'm still puzzling over, suddenly the phone rang, and as soon as I answer the voice of the young entrepreneur's ahhh, finally he explained about the ring , he proposed to me, ahh this really funny story, when I had time to think of him as a perfect man and eventually he liked me and wanted to marry me, ahhn luck what I can in this year, I ended a relationship with him, he often came to Indonesia than business, he also came to see me,  automatic my financial life is guaranteed, he forbade me to go back to work, and I stopped working, he bought me a house in elite area, a car, and all the needs of life is guaranteed, at the time our relationship was just 8 months, but I'm a very lucky woman, and of course family got prosperous life, but my stepmom's ambitions are not quite up there, she continued to blackmail me until the goods are items in my new house he was brought home to his house,I ended up feeling really sick, tired with this life that continues to be a cash cow without my family they care about how I feel, or my future, with feelings, ashamed and as if forced, I speak to my beloved, ehh for 8 months we had no sex I never sleep with him because I always said I would give my virginity to the man who would become my husband, not to the lover,  him can give me anything but he could not buy my dignity with his money, I finally spoke to him that I was desperate to get married, on the grounds we've been long enough in a relationship, whereas a clear reason that I avoid my stepmother demand, finally on 20 December 2003 he came to Indonesia and we went to my parents house to determine the day of our wedding, and what happened to my stepmom was shocked , because she thought that if I marry I will stop automatically sending money to her,ensued on the wedding day on 23 December 2003, a very lively party, then I feel I am the happiest woman in this world, I could be the perfect wife of a man, but in the wedding that I feel there is something odd , my husband came with their friends, mostly foreigners, but I was too naive to ask for it all, at night when the party is still going on my husband took me back to jakarta our return home, at last night we went to jakarta night's first marriage, and that's what I expect I'm free from my parents, my home until we were pretty tired, I just want to sleep and I do not care about that night was the first night of marriage, a moment I exchange clothes, my husband came into chamber and talk, sorry I have to go to thailand, ahh I did not get to ask because I see he was busy packing, finally my wedding night I spent alone,I do not know what my husband's job while he worked at his family's company, a large company that controls asian, and I never care about it, that I care I began to feel very often I lost her, she came to see me only 3 times a week, and that too he never staying in my house until the morning, he just comes, dinner, make love and go, I started to feel lonely any more until the age of 3 years of my marriage but I tread still not pregnant, I spent time out with my friends to gather to drink and get drunk, go to the bar, discotik, Hanyan to relieve boredom at home waiting for my husband, but I never intend to go out with another man, even though I was in a drunken state had never occurred, I fill my loneliness by having an affair, I too love my husband, he is saving lives My only that which exists in my mind and I promise I will not disdaining even though he was rarely with me,~~~>

Contineu~~ BACK MY STORY

I went to a capital city, named  JAKARTA, with hope I could get a job, because my step mom always forced me to return to work abroad or marry me, uhhh,, it is very difficult choices, fortunate in jakarta I have an old friend , for a while I could stay at home while trying to find a job, it turns out my friend had an acquaintance who works in a company manager korea, I'm not sure I could be accepted to work in a foreign company with a capital of education that only the second semester, it was my luck on my side, day on 5 October 2000, I was hired as an assistant manager, gratitude and thanks to my friend I can not pronounce the words, I receive a salary of 400 dollars a month, enough for me moving home, I rented a room, and I keep most of my income sent to my parents, until in the end I worked at the company's 5 months, my step mom was planning something, he said she wanted to repair their homes damaged and that has begun to re-ask for more money from me, I try to give the sense that I myself should save a little money for the old days of my savings, but they can not know and eventually they took my salary every month, 75%, okay until I worked like animals day and night without thinking about my future, also dream finally realized their dream they could build a new house 2 home,which they had said it was as if one day I deposit I returned to my hometown, but I would not care about all that in mind at the time, like where his or her way so that I stop being a cash cow family, because at my age that was enough for me to get married I still own, I started thinking about my future, now that I was already 25 years old, 2 years I've worked,
    One day I was taken off the meeting we had to go to Korea, because of our client because he can't come to indonesia,and
turns out all my new life begins from here. Our client was a man, handsome and young entrepreneurs sucses, ahh I was thinking how perfect this guy,nearly a week we were in korea, and on the last night my boss told me to make up and dressed little nice, he said tonight we have diner,turns out he told me to go to dinner with a client, there is a sense of inferiority, shame but ahh why I should be ashamed, that night I went with my boss to a fancy restaurant and it turns out that the client is waiting for us, the way she dress very neat smile he welcomed our arrival, I was fascinated, how handsome he is, there is a strange feeling and I feel happy for a moment I forgot who I was, that night we were late in the story around about the business while drinking, without me knowing it I was sitting next to my client's, in a slightly drunken state we do not accidentally hand holding my hand,,~up in the morning time we had to go back to Jakarta, but without it I would have thought our clients entrust a gift for me, I have not had time to open it,,,~~~~~~~continue

BACK STORY

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, I just wanted to continue my story yesterday that might make my blog readers do not understand or is not yet clear, And after I wrote down everything that I've been hold, I kept the biggest secret as well as the most shameful secrets, and perhaps you will think that I am a most stupid woman,
     This morning as usual I was preparing my daughter to school, today the weather is not so bad as yesterday, yesterday I've written some real stories about who I was, today I will tell you the part that is still stored,
  Since a child I never felt what happiness a family, a mother who I consider to be my real mother was her only a stepmother, she took care of since I was a baby, because my real mother had gone dead since giving birth to me, since I was little I was as I remembered how cruel a stepmother that's true, every day I have never been separated from the insults and blows, until I was an adult 16 years of my life, I still feel her punches still leave a scar, for me it probably wont, evil stepmother and younger brother sisters, do not stop, they forced me to marry an old man at all I never knew him, but in the end I could run away from my hometown with the help of a good friend of my father, I went to malaysia,in malaysia  I stay at home  good friend  my father, they are very good, I regard as a family, so I was given a job in a company's beer sales, while I go back to school I'm still working day and night, every time I get a paycheck, I remembered my sister, even though they sister of the same father but I love them, I send some money from my income, to help my family there, five years have I worked in Malaysia, I never meant to have a boyfriend, then 22 years old I stepped on, I finally returned to his hometown , with the little money that I'm a tube just for lunch while I stayed at my family, I came home that first house I feel like hell, but now I go back and change the attitude of good stepmom because I came home with the money, I handed over the money some just for me to stay and eat there before I get another job, which in part I keep, because I know how much  money that I give her could not get enough,,,no doubt guess, I just stayed 3 months in the house that I thought I wanted a break, because I've worked for 5 years, but not think to establish a relationship with a man, before I found a man who became my dream, you know man like what I idola will be my husband, hehehe maybe you'll laugh, but of children since I idolize, hollywood movie stars (Bruce Willis) Ah,,, it's just a dream, since I returned from Malaysia, I begin to feel inconvenience to live own home, because my stepmother was always sarcastic, and compare compare me with my cousin who at that time he was married and have a life fairly well established, while at my age who turned 22 years I still have not had a lover, 3 months living with them, enough to make I was living in hell, my stepmother asked when I started again to work or get married, while with my education is not enough to work in an office,, what the capital is just my will to live, while my father he could not defend me to be one of his children from his first marriage of my mother, I feel my luck is very bad compared to younger brother, they can go to school, while I only work to help their school fees are also the economic life of my family, but I'm willing as my stepmother is not always swore at me with words rant, I finally decided to come back in search of work, to jakarta~~~~~~~~ contineu~~~

starting my new life

LUCY/MY

 Daughter:

So my new life and daily routine of the day I'm just stuck at home and take care of all needs between my two daughters, I was not working anymore, but at least I can be free from the shackles of my ex-husband and his money,, Finally I could re-arrange our lives with my daughter I know this is difficult, but the three of us will join hands in living life, because I'm sure this is just the beginning of a life journey, I wish I was destined to own without a man in the life of my golden years, I resigned, I once again have the strength I got from both my daughter,
   The man for me just as though , i can't lie to myself I need love, need someone to share life with me, I used my writing stop this time, thanks to someone who will understand after reading this, and I'm sorry!
          Jasmine
 P,S, I LOVE YOU Adrian~~ my hope just u not change when u know my real life,but if it will make u walk away from me,i know that was the best u can do for u life,because i know my life very difficult, and i not want bring you come to my difficult life,I can try the best what I can do for my daughter,, I can keep my dream to be happynes to spent my life time grow old together with you,thnks so much u come to my life,, u make my morning always smiling,u make i want alive more than right now,U make me want repeat the time,You make me useful as a woman worthy of love,you make me feel valued as a woman, you treat me as a lover, because I was afraid to lose you, with this honesty, but as I'm told I should be ready any risks that should I receive with you to leave me!!!!!