Recovery soul part 4

                                                                  "MR.Right"

              "Sadness and pain made me fell down but it was a chance I had to bow"

Honestly now I'm still in a state of hesitation, my soul was tired with all the story of my life journey, which sometimes I do not understand, what I want??

Feeling unappreciated, abandoned, neglected, makes me despair, I used to blame fate, blame God, but now I realize that God has never left me, but I always leave him___

    I should have realized, that "Mr right" is a person who is present to remind that I must not fall into the same hole,

             "I felt ashamed of myself"

Who is the person most responsible for myself?? of course myself, Beginning a sentence "if today I'm no better than yesterday, I was ashamed of myself" and I do not repeat the same mistake,

I wrote the story of my life, just want to just vomit a little remorse and at the same time, ease the burden during this time as prop, and I want to share with anyone, about how we control the feelings when we fall and hurt caused by our own,,,,That pain, loss, ignored it all is our process to reach maturity, and if we reject the process, like his thing happened to me, from the story of my marriage first, I tried to survive until finally the Hand of God coming down and need you know at the time, I still do not believe in a religion, faith, for me then it was nonsense___But when I began to believe that the existence of God and in the end, when I feel helpless, with all the life that is false, then honestly, when I was depressed, where I run, run to drinking the real feeling of happiness that is false, while I seemed to find the existence of God is where, and with the miracle that whoever will not believe, footsteps I took me to a mosque in the remote town,..

    And there I fell to the ground, when I hear the call to prayer, i felt hurt my heart, whether voice -sound caller God I've been looking for,,I put my entire soul and my body only to God, and in the end I became a Muslim, now I believe up until now, may Allah keep my faith, do not falter again with world affairs misleading,,And when I started to get up and come back with a decision, I will leave my husband, I take him in my prayer  "God if I'm not good with not separate us without hurting anyone, because I love him" but do not exaggerate the feeling of love is beyond me love you Allah__________

     Right after I had my return from a search my Lord, I am back and right on 6th August 2015, exactly a week after the Eid, God granted my Prayer, He took my husband, without hurting anyone, "the pain and the pain is so I enjoy" although I am aware lost my husband, I do not know what will happen next with my little family,

we are left with no possessions, let alone saving money, as long as he's alive almost all of its assets on behalf of a  family to him, but I had faith that God would not leave me again and I will not leave him, and it's all part of the process of maturation me, then I feel worse, but with my faith, I could still survive to this day and I'm tough,, I rise from adversity,,,,Nothing that I blame with all these events, including the story of my new "Mr right" What I realize it for some people, possessions, money, more valuable than a pure love, It turned out that Love can be purchased with a pile of paper called "Money" when money is already talk all can be purchased including self-esteem and love, but it's all just a fake, I'm here already experiencing, neglect, humiliation, wasted just because I love humans greedy that they think money can bring them to a point where happiness can be paid,,,

       God forgive me, and forgive those, who already deify money for the sake of self-esteem, honest who make ourselves valuable in life is a matter of maturity, mature person has enough attitude to face all the problems with good, responsible to myself intend to transformation better, How do I feel when I talk with the person who is very mature? I feel proud of myself, because I am more able to take very every problem of life with a smile___ I'm talking to myself "I am a strong man, firm in intention to become a private firm! Now I feel very strong vibrations  to be a very strong hold on to the almighty God powerful_____I forgive those who accidentally hurt me, but I am grateful also to them "my late husband and Mr right" because if it were not for those already on borrowed God's process of maturation me maybe this time I was still sunk in the emptiness of life that seemed meaningless___

       Rejection, failure, loss, even emptiness liver is also a process of self-recovery, writing about the restoration of the soul is that now you are reading is the pen of a woman, a man who has gone through all the processes it, indeed very ill, but produce scantlings life__The point is that if we want to mature, we must be willing in the process, I learned from obstinacy and rejection can be grateful reception when he comes, the one who rejects me only "borrowed" by this life to my form,,,

     Of failure, I learned that nothing is easy, from the failures as well, I learned a lot of science that can not be me from school, From losing I learned not to be so loved and focus on what we have, You do not want too tightly grasping all things that only God entrusted to us, lest when we lose something as if it was more important than yourself, so as we feel sad excessive____

From the void heart, I learned the meaning of surrender to God, no human being may be arrogant, feels no need of God, the emptiness of my heart brought about the need for profound divinity___

       

MR Right

                            "Care about yourself is much greater"
              "When you meditate on this feeling fortunate life, every breath of mine is happiness"
Humans are often not aware of the breath, like a fish in the water is not aware of where he is, Do we realize that our lives had been lucky?   Am I conscious? This question is very important, what I feel when the hurt? Naturally sad, then, what I feel when I know that people are hurting it did have a major problem? there may be a sense of pity,
 Resentment and hatred are the result of ignorance, unawareness in this case is to not know what is really happening to me and in others,,Peaceful heart is an understanding heart, not quick to anger when "putridity" in the life to come, the Self me now is the result of maturation, maturation of a number of pain I have ever experienced, from a number of disappointments is delivered by another person into my life,
  Now began my experience peace, feel the calmness in the sense, that the Lord cast me, it was my chance to bow down and go back to him, there is nothing good all planned glory, In the past I could blame God and the destiny seemed unfair for me, When I turn over all my devotion to my husband and I'm sure one day all will change, but God had other plans, he took the people who really I need where I lean this life, so it turns out I was wrong, now that I realize that we are not able to hang happiness and our lives to humans, because we all must die,, And what I feel,, I just like some LOSS, when he gone, when God take him,,
As a human being I could blame God, depression, fear of the future, afraid of what I would do when He died, often the questions that now I think is not very good, why God is not fair, why did God take him when me and my son they desperately need a figure of a husband and a father,
      I feel all left me, friends, relatives who had felt close in the end they leave me, but one that makes me emerge from the downturn, turned out that God never left me, and this is all like a miracle, I got up for the sake of children  who still need me when they feel the loss of a father, whether they also have to feel the loss figure of a mother, when I feel really fell, fell, as if nothing  longer for me to live, lucky God was reminding me and hit me, the second daughter is an encouragement and a sense I raised upright God with all of this, because I'm sure you must be behind this store better plan for us,,
    Self-awareness that I wake up from the downturn, makes me stronger, I prayed only "God give me more power so I can prostrate"
                               "The emergence of feelings of sadness"
    "I had the authority to control my feelings, because this is so should, for the happiness of my life"\
When I feel sadness, feeling as if someone else had never felt, when feel life is no certainty, I asked myself, actually want me for? Is there someone who can help me? pretends to be happy have often done, but did not succeed, even I was lying to myself,___
 When I feel sad, wants to feel happy in a good way, but as if but everyone as if no one understands, as I feel everyone is busy with their problems respectively, while I was losing control of myself, and feel there are no people who care about me anymore, where I started to find the God that is always there in the soul that I believe in,\
   Honestly at that time I needed someone to help me, wake me up when I fell, but then again it makes me even feel tired___

Finally, I return to the Lord, O Lord strengthen me, I want to come back as happy as when I was a child who innocently makes me think, important I am, for the world and for my children, I really want to know what the meaning of life, When I lost someone which means a lot, now I feel I lost the wings to achieve the future, but in the blink of an eye I started to wake up again, I can not hang my life to humans....

Finally I decided trying to keep happy is better than regretting what has happened, hopefully there is the best way of all the events that happened to me, I am calm, I have an upright, patience, prayer and faith that God gives the trials would not go beyond the boundaries of man himself___

     But of course we are ordinary people who in seeking efforts happiness, sometimes we are wrong to take the decision to be saying, and I got stuck back into mine who used to be filled with glamor, go to nightclubs with friends, who they were not a friend, because there is a friend that will trap us to fall over fall when we are in the process of repair,,but it's all I make as a new journey of my life, being a single mom, I regained consciousness but if when it's too late, but not too late for us to realize all the mistakes before he died we pick,,

             " The experience of falling in love can fix my faith "

I continue my story with an experience, the pain that favors,,maybe when I tell a new story of my life journey, you will pout, mocking me, but here I will honestly tell and this is me make a long experience, old story repeating itself when my husband's death seven months ago__

But I will not blame you, exactly two months ago, when I really feel fall, lonely, life seemed meaningless, when I needed someone, I met someone who seemed to welcome and accept me as I am, come up with a figure very similar with my late husband, from his attitude to treat me, He came as God in order to protect, replacement figure that had been taken from me,,introduction unintentionally make me fall asleep, actually I'm still in the shadow of my late husband in a figure he just call him "Mr right" I began to feel the love, the fear of losing again like before, I began with a variety of ways to maintain the happiness I once this, because I'm sure I'm still not too late, to re-establish a connection,

    of introductions inadvertently continue into the relationship, which is getting serious, but when I started to fall asleep with feel it, though again remember right I love stories I had in the past with the deceased, who was very beautiful, suddenly the Lord back to wake me, I realize that "Mr right" single but not avalible, means that he is not alone, that before I was present in his life, there was already someone who filled his life and probably very meaningful for him, I fell back with a hole the same as a few years ago, until I think about how stupid I am, how could I get stuck again after I try to be aware and to rise from the loss, arises a sense of regret that is not measurable and confusion, because when I started to feel the presence God is in my faith, I now faltering again, I'm sick again, but I feel now the pain is very delicious, While I hold this chest, thank God you're back made me realize,

       But at the same time, I still feel curious, the feeling of a normal human being who wants to be loved, that I should be aware of a loss, but the name I'm an ordinary human consciousness which sometimes arrive late,, when I most feel helpless, but now with more thought positive, nothing I blame in this case, I began to realize, that God brought us together is not without reason, he comes in when I start to rise from adversity, and as if repeating old story that could make me fall, but how foolish of her to me, because I actually fall asleep with the same situation as 14 years ago that made my life destroyed to date, And Mr. Right comes as the return of my late husband with a different figure___

    I ll continue writing about Mr Right,, was open my mind and how to life 

Recovery soul part 3

                                             "I want"
    " Considered themselves more important than the problem, it keeps us could appreciate themselves"

Most powerful forces in life is feeling loved, If you are now in a position not excited or hollow, lest because you're forgotten, Forgetting that you are highly desired by this life, you are very loved by the Lord, Tal-one human being was created with "fad "without a lofty goal, Say !! "I was there because I IMPORTANT! I wanted by this life, loved by God with a very deep___

     A present an opportunity for yourself____

Sometimes we are busy to make others happy, but often neglect themselves happiness, compassion, self-important, Say "I'm very fond of myself,"And often we are too blame yourself, without you realize that all the problems, failures or errors that occurred is allowed to happen, give ourselves a chance to pause and reflect on this,,Give a chance to ourselves, to forgive, given the opportunity, quiet and happy, give the opportunity to us, care about yourself, dedicate a small chance for us today, when we feel like a failure and fear to try, which is happening is you inhibit opportunity yourself,,,

Do not speak of fear at successful people, they were used on it, now they understand that all the feeling of helplessness that turned out to be mastered, as proof of your affection to yourself,,
   Allow yourself to forgive, given the chance, calm and happy, give yourself a chance, dear yourself, offer little opportunity for yourself today, When you feel like a failure and scared to try is happening is you inhibit the opportunity yourself , Do not talk the fear of the successful people they were used on it, now they understand that the feeling of helplessness that turned out to be mastered, as proof of affection for yourself, please give yourself a chance to try, When you feel guilty up sad protracted means you do not provide the opportunity for God to shape you through it, and for you did not give it to yourself to learn something valuable from it___