a quiet night

last night I did not get to write the story, where I went or what I do at home, I feel tired, fatigued, I just lock myself in my room after a bath I think it might make me calm down, play music, not the least I touch my computer, on when I want to open the phone, ohh shit my emal account there was a change passwort, so automatically I can not use all the applications on the phone, I automatically have to reset all the risks I have to lose all existing data on the phone, I had sent text on my boyfriend just to make sure that I am here still alive, because all day I just shut down after a night I was with him online on Paltalk, before I fell asleep and on her private cam in it so I woke up my camera was off and the website was still on,
  okay then I try to reset my phone regulatory factory, so everything is like new, then I have to download all applications including Paltalk moblle, but that made me surprised when I go online and talk to my boyfriend, he said he could see me online in the mobile phone, of course I'm surprised, but as usual I'm ready to listen to what he's talking about, I'm too tired to agrue, and to explain, let him keep with what all of his convictions, even though I denied it was not possible because he said several minutes later I was sent text him on the phone, ohh shit why should this continue,, even though my intentions were good text him because I said I love you, but what I get,, nothing his sent me back text,but I think maybe he's busy, but I was wrong,, ahhhhhh some thing would happen but I'm going I'm going to try to calm down, despite my state of confusion, sadness and hate, but I can not hide sometimes I'm quiet, but what if he does not see my eyes swollen from crying, ahhhhh it turns out he did not notice it and I try cover with me wearing glasses, but his attitude is always rapidly changing, without asking for an explanation and where I am and why, oh god I hope he knows, I was again in a state that very fragile and hurt I need him to protect me, I need him to lean though only in the shadows, I need him for strength to stand up from a sense of depression, but it turns out he also seemed in a state of distress, okay I understand, ... I'm online just now to meet with him, but there are times when I need to touch the computer itself, i not even want  to talk to children  even I can not, I hope one day he would be more understanding,, when I'm happy and when I'm sad,,, ,, I love you,,,
                 Jasmine

heavy weekend~~

Weekends are hard for me, of the new year 2012, everything is not back to normal, what else after I lost my job, but I try to smile salts for their two daughters, tucked beneath my heart, tired of living this life, despair, I shall continue standing upright with the confidence I need to survive, it's almost three weeks also I still have not finished renovating the house uhggg makes me annoyed, because the length of time they work with me I automatically pay more, while for now I should be able to save money, before I get a new job , or I go back to work in the same place at the company after the crisis ended, the demonstration of workers could still walk, they demanded their pay rise, making the road block, uhhh I do not like to live here, so this Sunday I'm stuck at home, can not drink regular coffee place I always spend my week days only to get rid of boredom, two-day yesterday until last night I only slept after crying all night, I cried again, do not know why the night of the week I felt my heart sad, lonely, empty , which I do I lock myself in my room and cry, I feel my life is useless, I'm desperate, I could not become a wife, a lover, even the salts become a mother of two daughters, Oh god I think I'm going to leave it all if I did not see I still have kids that they still need me,,I was still not as strong as I imagine, that I always tell my friends or my boyfriend front, I'm just a weak woman's fragile and wounded, out of love, the life that I feel so cruel, do not let me be happy as they are, Lord if I could play time, I did not choose to be born and become a Jasmine, but I know time can not be played back and I can not live in the past, Lucky I met him a man who began to enter the life he's a changed sense of hatred, revenge on slowly lost men, but sometimes we also often misunderstood, but I understand because of differences in language and a lot, I try to understand it when he gets angry, or he did not like my attitude that sometimes I can not control my emotions, well I hope he can also understand now I am currently in a period of very heavy, and I do not want to involve him in my problem, whenever possible I hide a sense of woe, though sometimes I could cry ahead of him, I do not want sick, injured again with a man,
  I just wish the Lord whether I'm too humble to request and expect little happiness as those who have a spouse, if I do not deserve to be loved, Was I so low,,, it is a question,,,
    ahhhh still very heavy this week hopefully tomorrow I will be better,,, , I apologize on with my lover often made ​​him angry, annoyed, but I did not mean it
                   Jasmine