Weekend

The weekend is near and not feel it all pass you by, while I'm still here like an ornate frescoes became owner of the house,which only occasionally cleaned and viewed, without cares, but yesterday I felt something else, something different, when my daughter's birthday,,I feel proud of my children, because sometimes even though they often make me angry, and upset, they were like a true friend, a friend I never had with another person,
Friends who only benefit from each others, and move away when we are in trouble, it's all the friends that I was approached some time ago, once I had felt my two daughters are a burden terberatku, but now because I feel they want to live any longer..
  Yesterday, exactly on 19 April, I had a promise to the girls, we'll celebrate your birthday by going to the movies, and dinner, do not have in place an expensive, important unity is paramount, and thank God I can akhinrya fulfill my promise to my eldest son, the three of us went for a walk to a mall that was not far from where we live,I got a little sustenance, from a friend who paid me from the job that he gave, thank you a lot of friends, you like an angel for us, because you share your sustenance I could make my two daughters smiling, happy,,,The three of us pray, may you can get more of what you share with us, and all the goodness and health with your family there, We are very happy because of you!!and with the money from you I can take that her husband had died a year ago, but unfortunately they could not come because he had to wait for her children still in school,,,
But I feel stupid why do not I just change our departure, and do not go tomorrow, so they can participate, but thankfully he does not mind but I share what little money I intend to do a second son,,
  How the heart is happy, because the limitations I can still share the happiness, though not much but enough to make us smile..
 God was so quick reply to what I gave, when I was waiting for her in the movie starts, not the thought I met an old friend who may have been nearly four years we have not met since I moved house and I was busy, we had talked a little, actually he wanted to go kekaroke, its not the movies with us, but in our conversation he talked business issues during this time he did, he asked me to help her find the necessary goods from a large company in jakarta,,I said yes so fast fast, because I know it's not the company is a small company that needs a little stuff, it's true, they need a hundred thousand items for one day, first I think for a week but it turned out for a day, for a great price, mmmm is a good prospect, I just connect the companies that supply goods to companies in need,And I just got pocket money by simply calling them, but this Monday I will meet with the head of the company to make arrangements.,,And it's been almost 80% of the deal, just wait for Monday I met them and check the items to be sent, Thank you God for giving me an infinite blessi,,My intention slowly but surely my life finally has a purpose.,,hopefully with all the faith, prayer, and I work all the targets are achieved and I would feel happy if I could be someone who can be proud of my two daughters, and most importantly, I can stand on my own without help from my ex-husband, so I can leave with a sense of pride, that I could support my children without the help of a man behind me!!!

Last night

Last night I felt uncomfortable, I was asleep, after dinner, my ex-husband came for me to cook and eat at home, Lord I feel upset, confused, what exactly you plan to all of life I, even I still do not know what I was actually going to live a life, all seem to have in sight, but it was very hard to achieve it, there are actually some guy who was with me, I'm talking about the real world I'm not the online world that I'm involved in it,
 I do not deny in the online world was I ever fall in love, but I realize it's all just a game, but all I know, although we know from the online world, we can know their characters what they are doing, in his daily life, and we can assess them quickly, if they have an excess or just some thing that is not useful, is not important, ahhh but that's not important to me, I'm here just still finding ways of life of future me, because I know all there is in our own hands,,,All, failure, success in our lives, it is because our own sense of grief because of our own happiness, there is no interference of others, what are you doing today tomorrow you will reap the results, this is the life we can not deny it. sometimes I just bury all desire, and I think it's just ambition, a desire that I do not understand it, it turns out after I learn, a desire that was not bad,we are free to want something more than what we have now, although it seemed quite impossible, but with faith and prayer, I'm sure it will be realized,
I've always felt I was old enough to just dream of wanting something more than what I can now, after I read and saw so many people who are older than me, they are still ambitious, apparently instill a sense of satisfaction with the present situation it is stupid, according to the books I've read, no time limited to a desire, a desire to live better, live in luxury, it just takes work, effort, and pray, go for what you want for this, and you will be blamed for stopping now and is satisfied with what you can today, make yourself valuable, can make a proud people around you,but still so many of all the friends I was, there seemed to be that he gets discouraged with all of his life, I like to listen to see what they do and sometimes I want to be a good listener for all my friends, because of it all I got a lesson new,have a friend who every time we talked I saw he seemed depressed, with the failure of the life of his love life,when what I know he's still young enough to despair, he had a job and a good income, why he was so depressed, just because a girl, I say he is stupid, he seemed to have close access to his life, he had not believed, that what he experience today is all because of his own fortune too see other people and never see how lucky he is, he did not see many men in the age old enough, they do not have anything,,he did not see people who are less fortunate than himself, hey look at your friends are still many among us whose lives are further bad but they are still able to walk with they dreams,so much experience and knowledge I can from all friends, some are there only life there, he was quite proud of the pa which he has now, dreaming, lying to yourself, but you do not care about all that's what I want me to be a friend for them, be good listener, and can make them happy when you are near me

Earlier in the week

Earlier in the week was again not months, weeks, days go by do not feel, but late last week, there is a little different, I feel very stressed, upset, confused, disappointed, sad, but it turns out, all that go away by itself, it turns out, while it can changed all this,
 Earlier this week, I woke up with all the new hope and new life that I began to sign a government office, lucky to still have someone who is happy to help make an official letter which I had a very long wait, and now everything starts going well,And last Sunday, as usual I spent time with my daughter, we go to the mall and a bit of shopping, this weekend I got a little more fortune so I can buy what I want for this, you might wonder what I want when I have more money, just a book, hehehe but it inspired me a lot about how to continue this life wisely,Also about love, money and spiritual, after I read a little by little, I began to understand the meaning of a life, that we are not wrong to want a change, in any case, because of the desire that we can feel alive, with a record of a desire that is still be the logic,what we managed to accomplish and what we fail we achieve is the direct result of our minds, we who caused it, not others, all suffering, happiness comes from within us ourself..And this book a little more I can learn and find out more what I want and what precisely the meaning of life,with the past which I think is full of failure, especially in love relationships, I'm sure because I was always misunderstood, love and money, I always think of love without money is not what the ass, but it is a major money, we can buy love with money, but not vice versa, there is no love that money can buy, with all the experience in the past, now I feel much more mature, and I demanded to be prudent in taking both my daughter, I must be a good example for them,I will not go wrong choosing the wrong man again, but this time I was more focused on my two daughters, I will not waste time like I used to only live for a man that is not clear.if there had been a mate, though not, I prefer a life like this, when I think of it, actually I'm living right now is pretty much better than they were all friends to me, I'm quite materially with little income I was able to spend more, buy what I want to share a little more money to my family, and especially to buy what the girls need.Well,,, that's human nature that never runs out before the end came, (LIVING IN dissatisfaction) will always feel less human when we see others who are older, they are not necessarily happier than us, they can have everything, the house luxury cars lined up in the garage, look luxurious, but we do not know how much their debt, they have to pay each month for all that luxury,After I read and ponder the contents of the book, Swear I felt ashamed of myself, I feel ashamed to have very good people, concerned with the life of me, afraid I feel deprived, I've always thought that he was buying love with money, but turns out he gave it all sincerity, thank god I was made ​​aware and be told that I did was wrong thinking, and indeed I still need help from him, but at least now I understand and realize that I still can not find someone who can replace him, did he hurt me in our relationships, but now I realize she was still caring enough to give us a decent living even though we are separated,I apologize with all humility that I've been wrong, but that does not mean I can still play a part in her love, before I found someone who could give a better life than him, I would not do stupid.ahhh no plans 2 weeks again I want to take my two daughters to go the way of Yogyakarta, Borobudur temple there is, perhaps we as a vacation trip, I loved driving the car on the road a lot, so I'm planning to go to take the car I drive hehe it will much fun for us,, , good bless all, there are no barriers and hopefully I have enough money, but little to add,