Behind the fun day

Today, precisely on Saturday, the weekend I went to a small town that once I had felt the stories of life that is attractive, even to remember it I do not want to, I grew up in this town with no affection of a family, yes people live here people who I consider to be family, but in fact they are someone else,they raised me, but eventually they destroy my future, but let's all gone, let's just say I am a man who had no luck, I left my parents, and I have to live with other people who I always thought they were family to me, until I finally understand, and I'm still looking for who I was,Today I'm back here, not for the holiday, I came here to go to the hospital, to perform the injection in the spine, because the pain I suffered, I am referring physician at jakarta come to the hospital in Bandung, because it's close to home I am, so I'm not so difficult, at least I could save my expenses a bit, so do not pay the hospital for me to stay there,,I myself feel very scared, scared that I had to cover it, I need someone who can I hold her hand when I felt this pain, but who? I do not have anyone who, very sad indeed is my fate, when I feel sick, I still have to pretend I'm strong,I could be their protector the people around me, I try to make them smile, but when I need someone to protect me, I still own it!,Behind the fun day for the people around me, I bear the pain, feeling sad, I do not understand why this fate, in the crowd but I feel myself, sometimes I feel tired, with all these life stories, but I still want see my two daughters grow up,of the doctors pronounced me suffering from blood cancer (leukemia) Chronic lymphocytic leukemia, a rare disease that affects adults like me,but this happens to me, the last 3 months I started to feel something is wrong with my body, I began to feel very tired, there is some swelling in the groin, nose kept bleeding, prolonged fever, duhhh but I have to stay afloat, to be like I'm a healthy man,I'm selfish, yes, because I do not want people worrying about me, or they feel sorry, ohh noo, I'm still strong, while I was still able to run, I will not ask for pity, because I realized I was living alone, and treatment for this, not was little, I spent my savings bnayak, because the insurance that I ask, can not cover all costs I had to do, nor is it only for the cost to the hospital, the cost of everything, from meals and fees, ahhh just tired of god,Sometimes I think, if I do not have a daughter, I want it to end this life, to end all suffering, but whether it would ever end? Lucky I met a friend who always gave me when I was deep passion, give me the spirit, that I still too young to despair, I yakn god would not let me in the long-suffering,Well I hope a speedy recovery, and to all friends of friends, may God protect and keep it healthy

A tiring day

A pretty tiring day, nothing makes me excited, after a couple of times Itake medical tests at a nearby hospital, I was referred to another hospital,it is quite tiring, but I have to follow all recommended by your doctor,maybe the 5th or the 6th of this month I have to go to the hospital areabandung, perhaps for several days I lived there, yahh think is all on vacation, hehehe holiday in the hospital it was not fun ,

Today most of the day I left the house, from the start to a hospital, a bank, insurance office, to request a letter Clim for my medicine, but it seems these days good fortune are not as pro as I am, I still do notget what I expect, ahhhh but I realize, not all of which we expect orwant it to be achieved, so just wait patiently, maybe I could get, the cost to do the chemo therapy for the first because it's not a small amount, I have little money saved, but it happened this month , the eldest daughter,she went to college this month and I must prepare some money for all the payments and it's not a paltry sum for admission, the university obstetrics, I hope someday she wanted to be petrified of others anduseful for all who need it, because I want her to become a midwife ,although the cost is quite large, academic obstetrics, mmmm,,I hope, someday he could help his sister schools, entered academic medicine, I dream that dream, and therefore I do not care even if Ihave to work hard, save, save all my personal desire, or for a vacation, uhhhh long time we did not go on vacation , but I alwaysUsahkan every day of the week, I took my two daughters, although only way way to watch movies in cinema, or go to dinner together at a restaurant, and it's enough to make me smile they are happy, I'mnot much for now, I just want to see my two daughters grow up and become a strong woman, a woman who can keep his self-esteem,a man who knows himself, knows where they came from, can appreciate the other person, always smiling even though the feeling of being depressed, that's all I want, hopefully, I was given the strengt hand luck hehehe can get, a little relief, and does not charge anyone,and quickly recovered my health, for a time when anyone who reads this blog, and not feel tired to follow the storyline of a woman single mom, the only hope of survival for the sake of his daughters and fightthis disease, I am very grateful for your time, but I sorry, I'm close toany comments, because last time I get someone comments on my blog, which is very unpleasant, from an online friend, who I tell, I live on two of the world, but the online world fight it, makes me wary,Oh yes, the story about my friend who I told you about in my blog the past, once I teach her, I introduced him in the Internet world, onlinehis last girlfriend sends him a laptop, but of course he did not knowhow to use it, and the last he still comes to me for help setting, installand blah blah, and i said okay, once completed, I did not set charge,because I still think he's my friend, but it turns out she was blinded  by love  fake she found from the internet, now she behaved thanteenagers, OMG, and I thought she was asleep with a new virtual world she knew, ahhh I let it go, to meet the eyes, she never talk to me anymore, she seemed to forget who I am, hahaha she thought she was great , as the proverb, (nuts forgot their skin)The most small daughter, once asked my. mom why she is different now that she has an own laptop and when she asking  Mom for setting and instaling,and act,because she know nothing about laptop,  I told you not strange, that man, very easy to change just because the few advantages that they will be, but remember later you may not like it, because whatever we have at this time it was all a loan, and let them act like what they want,as long as they know, as long as we close and make friends with them, we never hurt them, in any case, and we have never felt any kind of debt, one day they will realize who the real friends,I actually do not care about human beings weird, whose hypocritical guise of sweet talk, but they heart is rotten, go to church every week, always say the name of god, but for themself she did not understand what exactly she said, it's more sinister, stupid,embarrassing, for the sake of a better life expectancy of her past life,because she had no luck getting a bad husband, and now when introduce with friends whom she considered very good, and could bring her into another world,,, ahhhh and she can turn into a new man,,, strange indeed but are endless when we discuss human behavior, I did not set human beings want to bother with it, I take care of the problems of life I have been pretty tired,, hhhhh, Wish me well I hope I can cope with all the difficulties which I bear now,, thank you all,, GOD Bess you all

First week in April

Hello to all, we finally get to meet again in the first week in April. 
Thank God that we are given the opportunity to do good and far better.Day after day, month after month we've been through without feeling the time pass so fast, but my life is not as fast as today's day in the year 2012,I'm stuck here with my daily, work, home and my two daughters.I myself like a doctor fighting against diseases ponis, I suffer from mild early stages of leukemia.just my two daughters who could make me want to continue to survive and live to see them grow up,I should have done last week check-up re-biopsy, bone marrow in the back, and the injections are very painful, but I cancel first because I still have much to do, and maybe I'm just lying in the hospital, ouch,,and the doctors always call me, for I got to work again, but I have always argued, I said I feel better now, though Actually, I felt my body conditions already are beginning to decline, from the blood started coming out every waking from my nose.until I feel shortness of breath, and it was hard to sleep if I do not take sleeping pills.I always thought that my life the most unfortunate among all people, but after I saw many people around me who lives more difficult, that's when I realized that I was lucky compared to their.do,do not be surprised if right now I'm starting to believe the Lord is there, maybe just a few months, I realized, once I do not believe there ever was a god, after I had some new miracle I get it and hopefully I'm not wrong to choose this path,because I still see so many people under the guise of gods but to take advantage of others, to make a fool of others, lie with the name of god,I want to express here is about the life I was in two worlds, the real world and cyberspace, remains at all running like four years ago, I even entered the fifth year,I honestly never felt any conscious feeling of love and a man I met online, even though I was very happy to just see it on camera,but I knew my fate was never as smooth romance, romance stories of others, either real world or in the online world,possible trauma from the past made ​​me, and at the same time I was never established trust and even I hate it when a man states (I Love You) uhggg I Swear i will be crazy when i hear the word That said,let alone the man who I met in the online world, hahaha they just give a false love, only to deceive, they will only make us objects, their pleasure for a moment, before they saw the others,but I'm not saying its all fake, there are also those who are really met in real life, but can be counted on the fingers, of 1000% may be only 2%, see how many are fake, and it happened to me, very sad is not it?back again with my feelings, now I feel really empty, I do not know where I should carry myself, I miss having someone who really loves me, but I can not believe I could still find it,sometimes I was jealous to see the fate of others who I think they were more fortunate in love, but I'm also not sure heheh, because according to the saying of smart people, (there is some thing to see someone else's most convenient)not necessarily who you think they're better than you were better, some people do anything in order to show how lucky they are her, or how wonderful their lives than others, but when they themselves are aware of all the fake, they would be ashamed of their own,The most evil lie is, when you lie to yourself, lie to others, probably will make you proud moment but a lifetime of regret, and I'm sure some thing that you do not get better than a lie...I did my best to always be honest, because honesty to bring me a decent living to date, good bless you all