"Sadness and pain made me fell down but it was a chance I had to bow"
Honestly now I'm still in a state of hesitation, my soul was tired with all the story of my life journey, which sometimes I do not understand, what I want??
Feeling unappreciated, abandoned, neglected, makes me despair, I used to blame fate, blame God, but now I realize that God has never left me, but I always leave him___
I should have realized, that "Mr right" is a person who is present to remind that I must not fall into the same hole,
"I felt ashamed of myself"
Who is the person most responsible for myself?? of course myself, Beginning a sentence "if today I'm no better than yesterday, I was ashamed of myself" and I do not repeat the same mistake,
I wrote the story of my life, just want to just vomit a little remorse and at the same time, ease the burden during this time as prop, and I want to share with anyone, about how we control the feelings when we fall and hurt caused by our own,,,,That pain, loss, ignored it all is our process to reach maturity, and if we reject the process, like his thing happened to me, from the story of my marriage first, I tried to survive until finally the Hand of God coming down and need you know at the time, I still do not believe in a religion, faith, for me then it was nonsense___But when I began to believe that the existence of God and in the end, when I feel helpless, with all the life that is false, then honestly, when I was depressed, where I run, run to drinking the real feeling of happiness that is false, while I seemed to find the existence of God is where, and with the miracle that whoever will not believe, footsteps I took me to a mosque in the remote town,..
And there I fell to the ground, when I hear the call to prayer, i felt hurt my heart, whether voice -sound caller God I've been looking for,,I put my entire soul and my body only to God, and in the end I became a Muslim, now I believe up until now, may Allah keep my faith, do not falter again with world affairs misleading,,And when I started to get up and come back with a decision, I will leave my husband, I take him in my prayer "God if I'm not good with not separate us without hurting anyone, because I love him" but do not exaggerate the feeling of love is beyond me love you Allah__________
Right after I had my return from a search my Lord, I am back and right on 6th August 2015, exactly a week after the Eid, God granted my Prayer, He took my husband, without hurting anyone, "the pain and the pain is so I enjoy" although I am aware lost my husband, I do not know what will happen next with my little family,
we are left with no possessions, let alone saving money, as long as he's alive almost all of its assets on behalf of a family to him, but I had faith that God would not leave me again and I will not leave him, and it's all part of the process of maturation me, then I feel worse, but with my faith, I could still survive to this day and I'm tough,, I rise from adversity,,,,Nothing that I blame with all these events, including the story of my new "Mr right" What I realize it for some people, possessions, money, more valuable than a pure love, It turned out that Love can be purchased with a pile of paper called "Money" when money is already talk all can be purchased including self-esteem and love, but it's all just a fake, I'm here already experiencing, neglect, humiliation, wasted just because I love humans greedy that they think money can bring them to a point where happiness can be paid,,,
God forgive me, and forgive those, who already deify money for the sake of self-esteem, honest who make ourselves valuable in life is a matter of maturity, mature person has enough attitude to face all the problems with good, responsible to myself intend to transformation better, How do I feel when I talk with the person who is very mature? I feel proud of myself, because I am more able to take very every problem of life with a smile___ I'm talking to myself "I am a strong man, firm in intention to become a private firm! Now I feel very strong vibrations to be a very strong hold on to the almighty God powerful_____I forgive those who accidentally hurt me, but I am grateful also to them "my late husband and Mr right" because if it were not for those already on borrowed God's process of maturation me maybe this time I was still sunk in the emptiness of life that seemed meaningless___
Rejection, failure, loss, even emptiness liver is also a process of self-recovery, writing about the restoration of the soul is that now you are reading is the pen of a woman, a man who has gone through all the processes it, indeed very ill, but produce scantlings life__The point is that if we want to mature, we must be willing in the process, I learned from obstinacy and rejection can be grateful reception when he comes, the one who rejects me only "borrowed" by this life to my form,,,
Of failure, I learned that nothing is easy, from the failures as well, I learned a lot of science that can not be me from school, From losing I learned not to be so loved and focus on what we have, You do not want too tightly grasping all things that only God entrusted to us, lest when we lose something as if it was more important than yourself, so as we feel sad excessive____
From the void heart, I learned the meaning of surrender to God, no human being may be arrogant, feels no need of God, the emptiness of my heart brought about the need for profound divinity___
