Two weeks in new year 2012

Two weeks have passed in the new year .That where all the people praying and hoping in the new year given all the good.But back to my life story. Which I feel the same from year to year.What I can not be grateful for. Maybe I still say there is more money, materials in among my friends. But we are human who never get enough with what u have and u get now. So also with myself i always feel the lack of love that I never got from their parents. Until eventually I hope to get happiness of a man but it turns out my pain and my suffering does not stop there. I cheated him.That which in the end I know that he just takes advantage of me and use me as an object.He never treated me as a wife oh Lord  and I just cant stand the pain and helplessness. When I have to accept all her treatments maybe he thinks I'm just a tramp in love enough money and I will dwell. He treat me with no feelings and he made me like I was just a puppet who can he played whenever he likes and he can throw away whenever he gets bored. Lord I know iam not your good people at the end of this last year I met someone who I first saw him. I feel alive again after so long feeling dead a long time in my inprisoned life. But I'm afraid .I falling in love and I'm very scared oh my god. I could not sleep I'm afraid. You give me sweet dream and new hope about love but then u take it and force me.Dump me go to hell.Oh God i love him but i afraid as i know his fellings are same like mine.Iam afraid to hurting him.Coz i know what he is feeling and yes i have the same feeling here. Even we lives so damm far apart from each other. But i can feel when he feel sad and i feel down.OH god protect him for me.Even we just meet in internet and when my destiny bring me go another story and not with him.I hope,, in next life. I want be u first women in your life. Who i can give u full love no matter who u are.Since this morning i feel so bad, sadnnes,sorrow,and yes what i got when i back home from go out with my daughter.I got a bad news and that was hit me so deep but glad Adrian he can relase my bad feelings.I can smile when i hear him singing but i feel sorry Adrian. I have smile in my face but not full like before coz i can't hide my sadnes in my inside.Maybe when u are really here beside me. I just want lean my head on your chest crying so bad u chest to release my grief forever. I make myself feel better writing this blog  like i write my real life diary.I will write again tomorow.  ( love u  Adrian)