Dream last night

                                " The Dream "

Nearly one more week and my children unwell, first attacked the youngest daughter, Greclle got a fever that somehow caused what, perhaps carried away from the school environment, or do not know, my daughter continues to Lusy the greatest, but since the first Lusi has never complained or told me not feeling well,And now I also feel the same way, but if I make about me suffering this disease is not much, when compared to what I used to feel, I hope the girls get well and excited to be back to normal,
      Last night after I take the medicine as usual, I fell asleep, but tonight I dreamed a very strange dream I had two like this,I dreamed I saw and felt something very painful to the point without realizing it I was crying in my dream, Oh Lord if you pass this dream shows that virtually all of this pain that I live like this, Give me another way,,You are all-knowing just and wise, I'm sure you are always guiding us, you are holding all the flavors, and also you are able to eliminate all sense of this fact has been almost eight years I lived in pretense, without a definite purpose, and what I really want in life,
     I am a woman who has felt the loss of emotion, love and dream to have a lover I never even imagined,Trauma of the past still makes me wary, and enough to kill all of humanity in the heart of this, He was a man who still haunt my life until now, because I'm not helpless,Because I still need help, so long ago I was dead, alive, in the real nature of my mind I've killed off all the feelings, jealousy, love, hate, I do not feel anything, but in the subconscious, the dream I felt a real sense of how pain I've been avoiding,,Lord you know which one is best for servants, the helplessness that's all I asked, show that the best way for me and my two daughters, and guide me beaten path that you are justified,
  Yes I have twice had this dream, crying in a dream that I have not ever felt this pain in real life,
 God do you show you how sick I felt the truth, my life so far I do not care about, when I saw, heard him happiness with his family, I was blind, a deaf ear to this for my two daughters, very sad indeed, but these were still not over,,But in dreams show how sad you are feeling, Oh god I whole life surrender  in this living a while longer, let me calm in this lonely with two daughters, let I alone bear all this pain, do you give to my two daughters, and give happiness to people who hurt me,,If this path is the choice of my life, false smiles, false all the happiness that I always show, let it like the way that you show, but if there was no way the best show to me, point me where I need to take this life for the sake of my two daughters,,,
          God bless you all,

The day

                                                     "The day"
Today, this morning whether what is in these feelings, whether happy, sad, everything is jumbled
 been so long I was not raising my kids, now they started growing up, the youngest is now six years she been stepped on, and the oldest now She has stepped on the age of nineteen years, and I certainly was getting old, and I should not be messing around anymore to keep them.And finally today, I really feel like a mother, when I wake up I see them already prepared, the first daughter Louise, today he started to learn to work while going to college, Oh Lord knows what feelings raging in the heart of this, happy, sad, because I was finally able to raise them even without the guidance of a father.I was always taught them, about how cruel and bitter life, but we have to enjoy, live and pray, still have to wait three more years of the first daughter she would become a doctor.I honestly never spoil them, but I try to give you all the best for them to feel comfortable, thank God I'm finally with your hands could make them a good child, Lusi today she started working, 
I accompanied the prayer your first step , this is the way life should be lived, we should be able to walk with his head tilted, and make sure that we can live without a man in our lives,,,targets although I still can not be achieved, but at this point, I feel proud..i have no idea how I thank the person who always there when I needed help, whether gratitude what should I say to God who always guided me during this.,help you in everything, it turns out I was wrong all prejudices have looked bad, it turns out she still loves me prove and he realize all my goals, although we are not together, but he's always there when I need help.. 
          Than,,, hopefully a happy family life together, now I really still can not get away from all the needs that need help, but one day I would have to pay all the debts which I had borrowed,I know you are willing to help us, but I think it's debt and one day we would pay for it, whether gratitude what should I say, even though our past is full of lack not good, but I've chosen the way of my life, I just want to live together both my daughter and that's all I can be happy..But it's all just our past that has been a while since I closed the story of us, and I promised him that no one else to fill your position, and will never exist, because I always believed I could not lucky in love...by god I'm very happy today to see our daughters, and let me reach the dreams I realize that I could not be with you.the target to see the girls succeed, and on the eve of old I will be happy, go for a walk around the world, hhihihih alone, it's my dream, so a successful single parents, and I bet your life there will be happy, god bless you,\ with you family.and I'm sure there's one more good man whom I met during this time, thanks a lot, I've considered you a brother and father of my child,...